VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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