you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
