If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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