I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
