A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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