it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
