What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
