Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
