I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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