He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
