Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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