Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your cock deserves a montage
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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