put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
