dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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