i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
only you would photoshop your dick
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You ruined the universe
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
