I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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