Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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