The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
