Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
