I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
