my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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