Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
