I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
