I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
