the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
