You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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