Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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