I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
