Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
