I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
