i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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