when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
