If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
