i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
