Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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