I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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