First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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