If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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