You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
