i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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