Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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