ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
