my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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