After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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