If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
