Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
