There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
