just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
