cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
