I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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