Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
