did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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